Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
