I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
