I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
