just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
