He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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