Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
