You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
