he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
