Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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