I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
