How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
