9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
