If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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