How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
