idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
