I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
