Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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