so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
