Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
