he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
handjob tips. give me some.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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