I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
