I accidentally burped into my bong.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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