I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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