I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
