Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
