Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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