last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
