So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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