did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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