And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
