Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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