I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
