NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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