i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
