how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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