I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
