Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
