Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
