why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
