youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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