Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
