Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
