i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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