my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
