weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
