How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
