I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
