we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
