When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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