my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
