I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
