Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
