Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
