Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize