My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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