Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
