why didn't you poke me back
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
